| passive attraction, programmed reaction, action distraction |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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| have a beautiful day. |
[05 Jun 2005|10:55pm] |
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when i think of all my friends
and they make me smile
i want to do the same for them.
i'd love your addresses so that i can send you nice things in the mail
and tell you how much i care for you?
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| lively still life. |
[11 May 2005|01:16pm] |
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locked.
i'd rather know who reads this.
just let me know.
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| soul surgery. |
[14 Apr 2005|10:02pm] |
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mood |
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healed. |
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music |
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ben harper. |
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Do we understand the events that make us who we are? Do we ever understand the factors that made us do the things we do? When we sleep at night - when we walk across a field and see a tree full of sleeping birds - when we tell small lies to our friends - when we make love - what acts of surgery are happening to our souls - what damage and healing and shock are we going through that we will never be able to fathom? What films are generated that will never be shown?
(Shampoo Planet - By Douglas Coupland.)
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| good day, sunshine. |
[13 Mar 2005|08:11pm] |
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mood |
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comfortable |
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music |
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frou frou |
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sometimes there is no place i would rather be than on a soccer field in the middle of the night with some of the most amazing people i know.
and sometimes there is no place i would rather be than under a blanket fort, making up one liners and acting like little kids.
either way, it feels pretty good.
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| read the message on the bathroom wall |
[04 Mar 2005|04:52pm] |
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mood |
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very happy |
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music |
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modest mouse |
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i'm wearing love beads, i have a daisy in my hair, and rima is coming to get me.
in my language, that translates to "i am happy."
(you look like a mermaid.)
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| park that car, drop that phone |
[28 Feb 2005|04:45pm] |
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mood |
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amazinggg |
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music |
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sleep on the floor, dream about me |
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all of my friends are so beautiful.
seriously. it's amazing how much different things are from before. it used to be that i could hang out with these people and talk and stuff... but not really about anything that TRULY mattered to me. but now it's like... everyone is on a whole new level and i can tell them how i feel about things without being worried of rejection or of thinking something different from someone else - i actually sometimes like it BETTER when people have different perspectives, because i love debating things or just listening and learning and growing from other people. its like... i look at all these wonderful people as just endless resources of ideas and thoughts that i can learn from, and it amazes me every day.
its like... EVERYTHING has reached a whole new level with me lately. not in an egotistical way, i just feel like everything means so much more. i actually TALK to my parents and am honest with them and they understand me better, and we just have a better relationship then ever. i can tell my friends what's really going on inside my head and they can help me and try to understand and i DONT feel judged. it is the best i have felt in sooo long... even when i'm sad about something, i know i have someone to talk to and someone that cares, so i can never REALLY be sad.
it just feels like everyone has SO much worth and SO much to offer and we are all growing together... and there is just so much love and so many good vibes going around, just so much caring for other humans, and so much understanding and i LOVE it. its fucking beautiful.
i feel like i really want to learn as much as i can and absorb as much as i can, and i n e v e r want to take anybody for granted. life is too short to do that. i would be letting MYSELF down more than i would be letting anyone else down, for not taking full advantage of the amazing people that i could get to know.
gaaahoshfdiosdhfo hdfiosahiofhsa
i love the connections i have been making with people lately. some of them are even people that i have known for a long time but just recently REALLY opened up to. i think if this had happened before... i would have gotten sad that i had "wasted" time not talking to them as much or TRULY getting to know them... but now i just appreciate it more because i think it was all MEANT to happen now. i can honestly say that i know what love feels like now. really.
and i love you all with all my heart.♥
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| i'm eating trix because steve once called it happiness in a spoon. and thats how i feel. |
[05 Feb 2005|10:00pm] |
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mood |
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beautiful |
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music |
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q and not u |
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i feel like happiness. in a spoon.
i'm so human right now.
my life is living proof that even the worst things, if you can get through them and try to understand them, can turn into the most beautiful and make you stronger than ever before.
LeftlimbsRsilent: YOU DO LOVE ME!!!
mydinosaurshirt: haha i do tons and fucking tons
LeftlimbsRsilent: AND I LOVE YOU!!!
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| hazla - do it. i think, at least. |
[04 Feb 2005|04:44pm] |
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amazing |
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music |
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modest mouse |
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...right? thats right, isn't it? because.... if so, senor cose told us to do it today.
i love bri and nicole and throwing papers at each other and poking our legs and laughing and rolling the windows down and saying words wrong and just being amazing together.
do you ever have one of those days where everything seems like it's coming together? today was that day. and it's not NEARLY over. i get to see my SOUL MATES later and be amazing with them. i miss them and it's only been like... not even a week. that's got to count for something, right? i'm always asking if things count for something..... but they always do. if that makes any sense.
today i was so excited that i get to see rima that i when the bell rang in 6th period i practically ran to the door and was the first one out, and opened it so fast that it hit someone and startled me and i fell on my butt. and i just laughed for about 10 hours. that's how amazing i feel right now. i love everything and everyone and i want to be a fucking hippie and move out to the middle of nowhere with my friends because they are all i need. i love you.
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| amazing |
[02 Feb 2005|06:48pm] |
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mood |
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really really good |
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music |
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earlimart |
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i feel really really amazing right now.... actually lately in general. thank you. ♥
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| you put the happy in my ness |
[31 Jan 2005|10:52pm] |
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mood |
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 thankful |
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music |
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ben harper |
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i am so thankful for bri and that we finally are going to be okay, and closer than ever.
also that we are sweet.
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[30 Jan 2005|02:33pm] |
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mood |
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 peaceful |
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music |
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it's your birthday party... happy birthday darling |
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it is so amazing to be able to say what you really want to say to people. things you have wanted to say for so long, and to tell people how much you really care about them and just not worry about what they're going to think because it's what YOU think.
i want to stop being afraid of people and their opinions of me and just be closer to them - because of similarities AND differences.
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| yeah, i make cakes. |
[29 Jan 2005|02:17pm] |
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mood |
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happyhappyhappyexcitedhappy |
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music |
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i'm wide awake it's morning |
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| i once fell in love with you just because the sky turned from gray to blue |
[27 Jan 2005|02:46pm] |
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amazing |
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music |
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cocorosie |
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nicole's hair looked haggard so i made her put on a beanie.
i'm the best friend ever.
my nails are chipping
i have a strong dislike for my english teacher
i miss sarah
and i really like this year so far
there is a purple turtle on my desk
it's a 3 day weekend =)
i really want to watch "that thing you do"
i like the new bright eyes a lot
i wish things would fix themselves but i'm still willing to try
peanut butter tortillas are pretty good
i want to see rima really bad
i like my baked apple pie candle
i'm trying to drink 8+ glasses of water a day
i miss lauren my siamese twin
i still havent hung my mirror up
quarters are my favorite form of change
i started a crayon revolution in spanish class today
i also made a boy a pirate patch
in fact, i have a crayon sharpener shaped like a crayon
i want carlos to come back
my head hurts really bad
ned kelly 8
i have the most depressing picture of me and my aunt
i really want to go to the kinison tonight but i don't have a ride
i like pecans (or as bri says, cohens)
i really need a new book to read
i want to take a shower
i like my green skirt
i sat in avocado yesterday
dana says the word "hand" weird
i have been sleeping really good lately
i have also been really happy lately
and i have also been rambling a lot lately
i like having a penpal a lot
i still want the skinny daisy tattoo behind my ear
i have a tiny crystal ball
my mom was pretty in high school
my dad doesn't trust me
sometimes, people from other countries stalk me
i have a pen that sarah named "skrinkle"
i NEVER make my bed
people always tell me i have big eyes
i really shouldn't be drinking this coffee
okay, i lied, i'm not drinking coffee
but i shouldn't be drinking this coke either
my computer types slow sometimes
i annoy my mom when i bang on the pots and pans
i really dont like those little hats that are ice cream bowls, they never hold enough
but i really do like ice cream
and disneyland
and i would like to eat ice cream at disneyland
i like lifejackets
i want to go on our seattle road trip
the clouds today were perfect
i usually get paint all over myself
and i'm going to go paint on my wall right now.
we love you very very very very very very very much.
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| THE fucking day of amazing. |
[26 Jan 2005|06:17pm] |
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sarah bradshaw is the most amazing person in the world and it is so amazing to talk to someone about something that you have been wanting to talk about for so long but have been so scared to say because you dont think anyone will want to listen or understand or pay attention or have their own opinions (agreeing OR disagreeing - just someone give me their opinion) and you don't want to get let down so you don't say anything but FUCK when you do its just all this weight that you thought was NORMAL because you're USED to thinking its normal and you don't know anything else being LIFTED off of your shoulders. maybe not even lifted off your shoulders but sharing the weight with someone else and who fucking knows maybe there are a million other people out there that can share that same weight and those same ideas with you and you just have to be open to LETTING THEM because you can FIND people that way i mean how the fuck did this happen that sarah is this amazing person that i KNOW and that KNOWS me without JUDGING or predicting or doing anything but just letting ourselves BE when i didn't even know her i mean it was just a simple act of opening up your ideas and your mind and your love to someone else and it caused such a fucking AMAZING domino effect of events that can change lives and actually save peoples minds and if i can have that with sarah or with who knows who then why not with some random person i walk by at school every day? or somebody who sat behind me in kindergarten and moved away? theres NOTHING to say that you can't except the fear of being disappointed and if you just LET THAT GO you can fix yourself and heal yourself and not hurt anymore and you can just accept things and change all that you can for the better and just finally be okay. it's not about happy its about feeling REAL THINGS and just knowing that you're okay, that you're going to be okay, that you've BEEN okay and not necessarily from DEPENDING on people but just from loving people and having people that are there for you and you are there for them without greed and with just KNOWING that it is going to be okay and that it is going to work out. fahsofhioasfhsdfhfosihfioshadfhasdoihf my head just exploded, sorry.
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| man. |
[26 Jan 2005|03:47pm] |
the new bright eyes is fucking amazing.
I woke up with this song in my head this morning.
I woke up with this song in my head this morning.
I was dreaming about your record collection and all of our scratched affection.
I woke up with this song in my head this morning.
With no singing. With no swinging too.
There is no dancing. There is no missing you.
I woke up and put your record on this morning.
I woke up and put your record on this morning.
So when the oven is hot I'm going to melt the plastic into an ashtray or a candy basket.
I woke up and put your record on this morning.
With no singing. With no swinging too.
There is no dancing. There is no missing you.
When you go, will you glow on and on?
When you go, will you glow on and on?
I woke up with this song in my head this morning.
I woke up with this song in my head this morning.
It made my headache. It was that great but now it's gone and life is wnderful.
You made my head ache. You were that great but now you're gone and life is wonderful.
There is no singing. There is no swinging too.
There is no dancing. There is no missing you.
There is no screaming. There is no listening too.
There is no scheming. There is no missing you
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| i've come to make it better. |
[23 Jan 2005|08:00pm] |
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mood |
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probably the best mood ever. |
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music |
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sondre lerche |
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i've come to see you through the end again.
my fingernails and toenails are painted red, i'm in a bathrobe, and my hair is finally clean. and i feel so good. everything just feels really good.
this weekend was amazing. and i really really want everyone to know how amazing they are.
because i am completely in love with these people.
sleepovers are my favorite thing to do and i really like waking up with tony and matt and brandon all 2 feet from my face - staring at me. no matter how much i acted like i didnt, that was just cuz it would probably be pretty creepy if i was like "aww... cute." i am in love with sarah bradshaw. this is definately better than headbangers ball. i hope aaron never loses his finger in any wars because i would throw up. miss spider is my new favorite song and the maraca is my new favorite instrument. this might sound weird, but getting almost no sleep is probably the best sleep i've ever had. and my hips are really really ticklish. i hope to learn the dance to footloose - including the flying squirrel move - because i think that then my life would be complete. daniel gets what he deserves when he throws pillows at my head and late night wendy's is the best thing, especially when tony buys it for me. actually... tony is the best thing. carlos is ALWAYS on night vision. way down in kokomo.
long story short: this was a really really good weekend. i'm sleepy but it is definately worth it.
also.... it'stimeforsomecereal.
.
ps- happy birthday to aaron brock in some days.
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| new years resolution, 19 days late. |
[19 Jan 2005|05:50pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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ben gibbard |
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keep up with friends.... ive lost too many for no good reason at all to lose any more
not judge ANYBODY....people have a right to be whoever they want to... and you never know where they're coming from. i will never say (and i'll try not to think) a bad thing about anyone again, not if i can help it.
be more responsible and stop fucking around with my life... im not going to get anything done if i dont
appreciate everyone. everyone has something to offer and is amazing in their own way.
no more being a shitty friend. no more "hi i miss you (but i dont call you anyways)". i'm going to try my best to be there... good times and bad.
not let things get me down... it happens too often
stop being so guarded around new people or experiences... you miss too much like that... i know i have missed so many things
apologize when i've done something or said something wrong. it shouldn't be about pride - it should be about learning from mistakes and strengthening relationships, because they are the most important thing in the world to me.
actually live without just waiting for other people to do it for me
embrace people... just because youre not close to someone doesnt mean they dont have opinions and something to learn from... ive found the most amazing people by just putting in a LITTLE bit of effort, i never thought to do more until now
let everyone know how much i love them... i'm being so corny right now... this whole THING is corny... and i mean every word of it. it's so much better to just let people know you care, no matter what, even if youre arguing or havent spent time together recently or whatever... i just need to let people know i love them more.
be completely myself and nothing else. no outside influences. because then EVERYTHING i experience will be REAL and true to me, and it will be amazing. because trying to be someone else... that won't get you anywhere, and you won't feel anything the right way.
just try in general. try harder.
corny as fuck. but its definately something i need.
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| so many people to love in my life |
[18 Jan 2005|10:39pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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ben harper |
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today was nothing.
and by today was nothing, i mean that today was so strange and out of place... that i just felt like nothing was right. nothing WAS right. everyone was so upset - i was too - and at the same time, i felt like i didn't have a right to be. i wasn't just thinking about dakota - though i was thinking about him too - i was thinking about everyone i know. because you never know what is going to happen. and sometimes things just go wrong and you can't see it coming. i miss everyone and love everyone so much and today made me think so hard about that. you never know what could happen - there is no point in losing friends or holding grudges (there are a few in particular that are really coming to mind.... that i miss and love so much... through everything) or doing things that can possibly be so harmful, because you're not just hurting yourself.
i feel selfish trying to make myself feel better, and i know i sound a little bit hypocritical or like im lecturing.... truth is im just scared out of my mind to lose people. im so upset to even think about people that know him better or were there or anything.... but i would do anything i could to make things even a little bit better.
i might not have been best friends with him or anything.... but i'll just quote erin and say rest in peace dakota.
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[17 Jan 2005|10:41pm] |
when you thought that it was over, you could feel it all around.
everybody's out to get you, don't you let it drag you down.
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